I GUESS IíLL HAVE TO TURN MY PLAN AROUND

 

(Saward, Ribbits)

 

(phrases in brackets are asides)

 

 

EMO GLOBIN.

(romantic and appalled and cunning by turns!)

In moonlight youíre beautiful (it hides your face,

In sunlight you couldnít be worse).

My heart has grown dutiful - youíre pride of place.

(The place I think for you would be a hearse)

If you were my wife then Iíd kiss your hand

(That way I would avoid your awful breath)

Iíd lay down my life (and if things go as planned

Then soon youíll be doing the same, dear)

Iím going to love you to death!

 

COCO:

(appalled)

I couldnít marry you, so please donít ask me to.

So then I guess youíll have to turn your plan around.

To me you donít exist; youíre just not on my list

Of tasty choices when I want a man around.

I want a man whoís generous and kind and who

Will give me nice and dear things when I say ďI doĒ

Oh dear, Iíve just seen a hitch, because youíre so very rich.

It seems I havenít thought this through

 

Oh darling, of course Iíll marry you.I can see the wedding now. Itíll be sumptuous.

 

(COCO gets carried away with her plans as GLOBIN gets ever more worried)

 

In Saint Paulís Cathedral weíll sign up for life

(because you have money to spare)

A dodecahedral gem ring for your wife;

A golden wedding dress for me to wear.

Weíll give out a gift to the folks in the town;

Jewellíd goblets made of gold to drink our health.

But thinking of thrift, Iíll keep the costs down††

By cooking the banquet myself!(GLOBIN is horrified)

GLOBIN.

(horrified)

My plan this does disrupt; Iíll soon end up bankrupt.

So then I guess Iíll have to turn my plan around.

And though I want this house, can it be worth a spouse

Whoíll end up leaving me financially unsound.

Sheíll make my life so onerous and out of groove

But itís the only way that I can make her move.

And though I canít stand her face, to get my hands on this place

Iíll have to take rough with the smooth!

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

 

Last two verses are sung simultaneously by COCO and GLOBIN but to the audience, not to each other.

 

COCO (upbeat verse).

 

So after all these years thereís no more cause for tears

Oh yes, at last Iíll have someone to plan around!

The time for tears has past, Iíll cash my chips at last

Oh how Iíve longed tohave a wealthy man around.

When my first husband died and broke my little heart

GLOBIN (romantic verse)

 

Oh Iím such a rotter that once we are wed

And Iíve gotten my hands on the keys,

I think Iíll garotte her or bash in her head

And then sheíll rest in peace

My kisses of strychnine my time I will bide

I never thought that happiness could ever start

But now again Iím a wife; Iím sure this time itís for life

To still herbeating heart.

My missus is sickíning; and though sheís my bride

That is until death makes usÖ

Money, money!

 

(looking into each otherís eyes)

Well, itís only til death makes usÖ

Money, money!

 

 

I see a prospírous future

Till death do us part!

I see a prospírous future

Till death do us part!